Somewhere in a jungle several green helmet-lighted bio-suited dudes chase an apish-humanoid to his landing craft where they fry him with flame-throwers. Aboard NX-01 Trip arrives late for his Vulcan back meld - an episode must really stink when this represents the best of the hour. He's brought peaches out of stasis - stasis? - 'cause Vulcans don't touch their food though she does. She promises to stop at the first sign of discomfort yet this worst episode ever does not end there. (Some Vulcans lie, and often.)

Drunk on midnight oil Archer calls T'Pol to Command Center regarding Xindi records leading to a planet. With Reed and Sato they shpod down to the teaser's jungle, where they find Apey's shpod and two infectious bodies, which instantly mutates them into gilled fat-heads with a Weirdly Gruesome haircut. T'Pol's transformation is incomplete so the rest subdue her into a hammock (where'd that come from?); after a lot of stupid grunting she's untied to use a universal translator. The translated trio wants to find some "Erquat" (Farquaad?). A tree-climbing Reed scores some maggoty fruit that Archer offers T'Pol; she isn't hungry so he shares with Reed instead.

With Mayweather in the captain's seat (rah!) Trip and Phlox locate Vulcan biosigns below. Trip and some Sharks shpod down; Reed is captured and caged in Decon. Phlox identifies a "mutagenic virus" that "transforms humanoids into another species," engineered by the Lowkeck species after they went sterile. Fortunately T'Pol has Vulcan K-cells ("Why it's that green blood of his!") so, armed with her DNA, Phlox can cure them all. To that end Trip retrieves T'Pol's half-eaten peach-spittle (give me Pulaski's brush anyday!). Two cool crescent-prowed ships arrive, bearing unidentified red-leathered men dead-set on containing the infection. Scanning Reed in quarantine they provoke Trip into a brave noise protecting his sick crewmates.

After Archer-hulk dreams of a huge city, he tears into some rocks to reveal the ruins of Farquaad. Some green helmets arrive but Archer-hulk wallops on one, ripping his bio-suit (so he's torched by his buddies). The remaining Reds aim to fry Archer and Hoshi but Trip beams in using an unsatisfactory transporter effect and saves the day. JUMP to a docked shpod and the ship's at Warp 4 with aft hull plating powered as a half-healed Archer hails the Reds with Phlox's serum. Afterwards though he orders the virus preserved so that he's not damned: "Put it on ice … stasis … whatever."

Picard got a flute, Archer gets a devastating bio-weapon. Yeah. Whatever.