"The Lights of Zetar" is not even fun to dislike, unlike other third season treasures. This episode is like no other, a pure Mary Sue Trek revolving unsuccessfully around an unsympathetic character (in a role allegedly written by puppeteer Shari Lewis for herself to portray). It's not necessarily that Jan Shutan is a bad actress but her performance produces an unfriendly if not openly insubordinate Mira Romaine. She doesn't like being aboard Enterprise, and this is reflected in the lackluster affection she returns to the ship's proxy, our favorite engineer.

The technical aspects are managed competently but that's little solace. It does get a point for the (relatively speaking, TOS-wise) complex main viewscreen graphics as Enterprise approaches Memory Alpha, and good use of unusual camera angles including a rare overhead shot of the bridge. However even for sixties tech the effects of the Lights are crude, and the camera stares repeatedly at extreme annoying close-ups of Mira's eye. None of this redeems the rather atrocious science, particularly squeezing out the Zetars. Kirk orders "pressure!" beyond the point where the dial reads over 30 atmospheres. That's like 30 tons per square foot! Could anyone breath in those conditions? She doesn't even squirm as her chest should be bursting.

On the good side everybody gets a few lines, few episodes feature more TOS regulars prominently (and an Andorian!). Not that they're on their best game, inexplicably if not insultingly describing Mira as "the girl." Spock, like the computer, exists for exposition only. JTK opens the comm system with "Captain Kirk to …" as if another "Captain" or "Kirk" might be calling aboard his own ship! McCoy is terse and short-tempered, and Scotty is worse pining after "the girl." (Not that he was much better over Carolyn Palamas but still. And why does Scott wear a science insignia throughout the show?)

Oh well, if nothing else the viewer can work out the episode's filming order observing the progression of "the girl's" cold sore. Or by watching the sliding not-so-automatic doors almost crush Romaine and Scotty as they follow Kirk and Spock out of the transporter room. The conceptual introduction of Memory Alpha is welcome even if the simple set leaves much to be desired, and the not before or since used anti-gravity chamber makes sense. Thank goodness the cast takes the ridiculous material seriously lest the entire effort fall apart even more quickly. But if we absolutely, positively had to go without one of the originals, there wouldn't be too many better choices.


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